Marry Bang Kill

(l to r: Garth/Kelly, Brenda/Doherty, Donna/Spelling) Dressed for Social Studies?

FAQ:

Is David Silver available to DJ orgies?  Yes but he insists on clothing optional and by clothing he means a headband and by optional he means not really. 

Are there bass-heavy pornorific versions of the the theme song.  Yes, TimeLife has digitally remastered at $44.95 or three easy payments of $19.95. 

Garth/Kelly: The character probably has STD’s, the actress has cankles.  Props for being the bridge between 90210 Melrose and by bridge I mean high school slut sleeping with 40 year old houseboy and by 40 year old houseboy I mean statutory rapist.

Brenda/Doherty: Marry Brenda and every Thanksgiving Brendan’s going to carve the turkey and Brendan’s going to get in a fight with his father about the war and Brendan’s going to make things awkward when Kelly stops by for dessert and Brendan’s going to call you “shortburns” and Brendan’s going to ask you to sell for Amway.  Kill Shannen Doherty and I think she only grows stronger.  

Donna Martin graduates!  Aaron Spelling really showed great faith in his daughter by giving her a part as a rich girl living in Beverly Hills.  This reminds me of how my dad says I am his favorite daughter.  Say what you will, pretty good plastic surgery but maybe too good, like she gets naked and there’s a troll living in her armpits and not the cool “hang out and watch football and wrestle during commercials” with troll – like a super weird racist one that gets a couple in him and starts ruminating on the laziness of  ogres and what hobgoblin has ever really benefitted from Affirmative Action because every time you run into a hobgobber in law school you’re thinking “were you really qualified?” or “are you 100% hobgoblin or like a quarter?”.  Enough con’s, looking for pro’s?  She appears to be a gateway to Megan Fox.  Remember, Andy Dufrene crawled through 500 yards of excrement to find freeedom and you can’t screw a (disowned) heiress? 

To the polls!

Two truths and a lie:

I’ve never seen this show.

Sometimes I get confused and get really happy that Michael from the Wire was adopted by such a nice family and escaped from that life of crime and downward spiral but then other times I think “Who died and made Naomi boss? Why can’t Navid and Annie just be themselves?  Silver’s been through so much with her mom and Kelly being so in and out of her lives, can’t everyone in 90210 just get along?”

I think I’ve seen every episode.

Shake, Stir, Kill? (l to r: Green, Richards, Berry)

Haven’t seen the movies?  OK, let me get you up to speed, there’s this guy in a tuxedo, he’s scottish, no wait, English and he’s brown-haired, no wait, blond and his cool transcends the decades because his lines never get old and moviemaking has not become more complex and interesting and no wait, that’s not true.  Apologies, poor readers, please find redemption through his women and let me away.